HELP WANTED

Joseph Tiraco

Perhaps, this article should have been placed in the Classified section, though the job description is so extraordinary as to deserve special consideration. I have been working of late with a hardy group of citizens trying to defeat a proposed shopping mall in Forest Hills. We meet outdoors once a week on Saturday - rain or shine. The first meeting was held on a raw and rainy afternoon. No one seemed to pay the weather much mind, after all, if John Paul could ignore a New York downpour, who were we to complain. This is a working group, the people each assuming some small task - folding news letters, hanging posters, delivering flyers, and any of the myriad of tasks that make up the components of battle. No single soldier wins a war, victory is rooted in the unselfish deeds of a multitude. No, it's not someone to deliver flyers that this help wanted situation seeks. Though, another of those noble volunteers would surely be welcome.

When Forest Hills comes to mind, one thinks of stately hilltop mansions seated on emerald green laws. An area populated by well dressed, well educated and well to do denizens. A place equal in stature to Newport and as comely as the Hamptons. The mansions are surrounded by a solid, family oriented, above average, middle class society. Of this area, quiet streets and civic pride are two distinguishing marks. This is the area that is under attack. From time immemorial, one lesson is clear. If a fair and lush land is unprotected, someone rough and tough will take it from you. The day has arrived. Barbarians are at the gates.

Forest Hills is in the position of a Sabine maiden awaiting the first thrust from her new master. Robber barons look toward the mansions and rub their sweaty palms in eager anticipation. In order to carry off the wealth of the Hills, they will slash and burn their way through the surrounding middle class neighborhood eroding the standard of living and forcing the mansions into an isolated pocket. Other wealthy neighborhoods have looked the other way as the area around them deteriorated, did nothing except build walls around themselves only to find that their splendor was no more. The middle class - backbone of every winning army from Roman to American - is saying, I will fight rather then submit. But where are the people in the mansions? Do they love their community any less then we do? Sure, Home Depot looks invincible. Didn't they knock off Ozone Park for desert prior to challenging Forest Hills? With methods reminiscent of a Reich minister. Right now, our adversary is using the media to propagate absurd notions that the community welcomes new commercial development with open arms. Tell that to the people huddled under umbrellas volunteering their time and labor to fight for their community. It is disappointing to see the press acquiesce in a "Big Lie" campaign. As if Forest Hills was Deutschland of the thirties. No, I don't think the Depotians are invincible. And, I don't believe a word coming from the mellifluous politicians now running interference for the developers in our community. The battle, my hedging fellow hill folk, is far from over.

When Hannibal came into Italy, says Polybius, defeating every army sent against him, he seemed invincible. He slaughtered the flower of Roman youth on the fields of Cannae, and all Rome became hysterical with terror. The citizens who once groaned over high taxes, even widows and children, now brought their secret savings to the treasury. Not a single Roman soldier would consent to receive pay.

The chairman of Home Depot is no Hannibal. I don't see too much to fear from a man who's paying twenty cents a share and whose stock has remained relativity flat in a rising market. I think he's fighting for his life in other quarters. Hence the need for public deception, and a frenzied rush to stick the spade in the ground; the haste suggests a race to beat any earnest study of traffic flow and civic planning review - as is the intent of current law - and before the premise of this proposed mall can be seen as basically flawed. As the past shows, a man that uses "The Big Lie" as a weapon has few scruples and a touch of megalomania. Like Hannibal besieging the lush green hills of Rome, he will withdraw when the going gets tougher then anticipated, leaving our lush green Hills behind, to march off and ravage other cities and other communities weaker then we.

Though our strength be nascent and unflexed, an intense resolve rising from the street is clearly visible. The moiety of our middle class will not be easily mollified But where are the people who reside in the mansions? When will they weigh in for this contest. As I walk the tree lined lanes of fabulous homes, I shrug and wonder, "Look at all they have to lose. Can they not fathom the danger on the horizon?" I want to bang on every door shouting, "they're coming, they're coming. Fall out with musket and ball. They're coming...." Then it dawns on me. we might be neighbors, but I don't fit into their world. My muddy jogging shoes and torn jeans would make me uncomfortable amid so much magnificence. I understand the streets, in fact, that's what I do. I am a street theater producer, at home with egotistical actors and lunatic playwrights, red eyed radicals and ultra minimalist composers. Protest has been my business.

As for the want add, this community - meaning the people who fold and deliver the news letter, signature gatherers, poster hangers, and all the rest working without pay - require a regal and polished socialite working within the sphere of the mansions. During the American revolution, the largest organization in the country was the Daughters Of Liberty. Most were ordinary housewives (though one dressed as a man actually served as a combat soldier for several years. she was twice wounded in action) The Daughters raised money and made clothing for the fighting men. They gave the money directly to George Washington instead of the congress, to use as a discretionary fund. Socialites from Boston to Charleston, working the mansions, charmed neighbors and friends out of their treasures and intrepidly kept Washington's army in the field. So much do we owe to the social graces. (Washington, like his Roman counterparts, refused to accept any pay. We can add: First to Volunteer, to his appellatives.)

The community of Forest Hills - fighting to maintain a way of life - seeks a socialite of prominence to direct high society events. She must be of good station and possess an abundance of pluck, style, and grace. She should have experience working with the press, organizing charity affairs, and in general, skilled enough to cajole her equals out of the art, antiques, furs and jewels needed to fund a war chest. She must reside in Forest Hills and be unwaveringly loyal to her community.

In short, we need a great lady.

(And where does one chercher la grande dame, why, advertise in the Queens Gazette, of course.)

Applicants, call Joe at 718-275-8475 Leave a message.

November 16, 1995